Healing Internalized Ableism in ADHD: Why Self-Compassion Isn’t Enough (Plus an Invitation to Work With Me)

Why healing ADHD shame starts with shifting our expectations — and an exciting update for those curious about ADHD coaching!

GUYS.

First up: I just published my very first guest blog for CADDAC — the Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada — the country’s leading national charity dedicated to raising awareness, education, and advocacy for ADHD across the lifespan.

The piece is called: "Hey ADHDer, Please Stop Trying Harder: Healing from Internalized Ableism" and in many ways, it feels like the essential groundwork for healing the ADHD Shadow (a concept I explored in this post back in March in case you missed it). That earlier piece explored the deep emotional residue we carry when we are diagnosed with ADHD later in life — the shame, the self-blame, the stories that form when we don’t yet have a neurological explanation for our struggles, so we reach for character-based ones instead. We decide we’re lazy. Flaky. Too much. Not enough.

Even after a diagnosis, those beliefs don’t just disappear.

We might understand our brain differently on paper, but in practice, we often continue measuring ourselves against the same old yardsticks — productivity, consistency, emotional control. The same unrealistic expectations that shaped our shame in the first place.

And until we challenge those expectations, the shadow stays.

Because the inconvenient truth is this: no amount of insight or affirmations can bridge the painful gap between how we function and how we think we should be functioning.

Here’s a snippet from the piece:

In my experience—and in so many others’—this part often gets missed. We get a diagnosis, maybe try a medication or two, and then carry on with life, now with a label. But the pressure to function like everyone else? That stays. And when we inevitably fall short, we tend to meet ourselves with the same old message:

Whether you see your ADHD as a disability or a difference, the reality is this: you are living in a world that places expectations on you that don’t match your capacity to meet them. That mismatch? That’s called ableism. And after decades of living inside that system, we start to internalize its messages—absorbing those expectations and mistaking them for our own. That’s called internalized ableism — the process of taking society’s biases and turning them inward, often without even realizing it. It’s the shame-filled voice that whispers, “I should be able to do this.”

Click here to read the full article on CADDAC’s website.

And in other exciting news…I’m now accepting new ADHD coaching clients!

I’m currently in the practicum phase of my coach training, which means I’m offering a limited number of spots at a significantly reduced rate as I work toward certification.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just craving support that actually works with your brain (not against it), this is a great time to explore coaching. Together, we’ll create systems that feel good to use, unpack the internalized expectations that might be getting in your way, and reconnect you with your strengths.

I’m offering free 30-minute discovery calls to see if it’s a good fit — no pressure, just a chance to chat.

Plus — the first three people to reach out can also claim three free full-length coaching sessions.

If you're curious or want to learn more, send me an email at laura@laurahudsoncoaching.com — I’d love to connect!